So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
