fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
