when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
