So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
