well I can't set my house on fire every night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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