I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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