Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
