um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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