Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
