so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
