If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
