Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
