: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
