at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
