Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
