did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
