the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
