I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So many bounce houses so little time
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
