If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
