we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
time to smoke my breakfast
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
