I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the liver wants what the liver wants
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
