where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
