It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
