i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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