So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
