I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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