I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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