It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
