my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
