just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
