Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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