It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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