so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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