Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I touched a dick in church today
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
