Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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