never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
