gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
