I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
