I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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