I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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