my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
