tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
