I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
