Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
