Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
