Someone shit on the floor
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
