swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
