Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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