Non-Jews are for practice
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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