I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think i peed on brittanys purse
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
