god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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