I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
